summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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