if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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