she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
