I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
