i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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