Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
