I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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