Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
