DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will be naked everywhere
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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