If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
