your parents love me but you hate me
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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