There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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