Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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