wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
