Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
