what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
