arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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