Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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