My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
