1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
