I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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