I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
