hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
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Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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