just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
