i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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