bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
