my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
