she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
