I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
