my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
