Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
