This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Two words: nipple clamps
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