We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
