to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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