My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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