Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
