Swine flu is the new snow day.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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