That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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