Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
