Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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