So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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