If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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