That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
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We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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