could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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