Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
