I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
