All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
