you guys were way drunker than both of me
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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