someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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