I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
