Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
