i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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