How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You've changed since you got that strap on
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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