I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
