Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
