so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
