Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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