oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
