Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
