So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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