Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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