you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
