I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
