they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
