You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
