if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize