nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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