I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
