Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
