I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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