do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
