New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
