Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
