Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
