Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
