so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
