I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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