You just made me feel so damn special
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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