dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I need to stop coming to work sober
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
smell my finger.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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