maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
