Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
