Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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