You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
