my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
